Steve Nojobs

iPoor: God in the Machine.

Admit it, the iPhone sucks when compared to the iPoor. Its colorful casting is enough to make you salivate. Here’s some iPoor specs for you technophiles–try to hold back the salivation.

What does an iPoor do? What doesn’t it do! Sure, it doesn’t take pictures like some phones, but that’s what cameras are for.

It also doesn’t play music–other than its selection of 2 catchy ring tones (including “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”). It doesn’t store addresses or phone numbers, or support blue tooth, or feature text messaging.

What I’m trying to say here, is the iPoor doesn’t have a lot of bells and whistles. But it does have some insanely great features.

1. Colorful Design
The iPoor features a durable plastic casing and several, bright, mostly complementary colours–guaranteed to turn heads and create loud conversations. Very loud conversations. You will be the envy of all your friends. In fact, we’re happy to report many have received death threats from very jealous coworkers and family members.

2. Pink Attena
I’m proud to say that this is the *only* phone in the market today to offer this feature. Does the iPhone have this? No, it doesn’t.

3. Unprecedented Service Range
The iPoor can connect you to anyone, anywhere (provided they also have an iPoor, and are within a 25 foot radius, and noone is operating a radio in the general vincinity).

4. True Multi-Touch Technology
The iPhone isn’t the only phone using Multi-touch. The iPoor features a daring choice of over 5 buttons. The majority of these will respond with a single touch. A combination of two or more buttons pushed together can create a virtually unlimited array of button functions. And, again, these buttons feature an amazing selection of animals–such as a bunny and what appears to be a bear!

5. Memory Enhancement Technology. (The iPoor will increase your iQ!)
Choosing to evolve beyond digital address books, the iPoor is guaranteed to improve memory functions, by allowing you to remember your favourite contact numbers! Try to do this with an iPhone!

6. Stellar Battery Life
The AA battery (not included) is guaranteed to last as long as it usually would in other electronics, even more if you purchase rechargables.

7. Environmentally Friendly
The iPoor has been specifically designed with 100% completely recyclable parts. Just throw it in your blue box and start saving the environment! We’re more green than Apple.

8. Affordable Price
The iPoor will retail for a jaw-dropping, brain-combusting $10.00! Compared to the iPhone, that’s one-fiftieth the price, and 100 times the phone!

and…drum roll please…here’s the clincher:

9. It’s NOT on AT&T!

Enough said.

It’s a no-brainer.

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