I need some girl advice.
Yesterday, I took a stroll down Pear Street to Keynotes Hardware to get another gallon of air freshener–I’m still trying to cut down on the sewage smell in the Vault (see iPoor Launch Delayed…). So I bring my jug of ‘Juniper Dreams’ air freshener up to the counter–and that’s when I got hit by an extreme hottie alert! Keynotes had a new cashier!
As the new extremely hot counter girl, Irma, rang up my order, my mouth got dry, my chest heaved a trial run for congestive heart failure, and I started gushing more sweat than Steve Ballmer on stage. Irma gave me my change, and I knew this was my ‘do or die’ moment.
I slurred ‘thank you’ like a drunk teenager and ran back to iPoor Ltd. HQ and hid under my bed. The irony–Revolutionary Genius, Technological Warlock, iPoor Creator and Founder, Conqueror of Sudoku–felled by a woman (albeit an extremely hot one).
Can I get some help here? How do I talk to Irma? Should I ask for her phone number? Should I offer to do her laundry? I tried doing some research but I’m still clueless. Maybe I could get Nowoz to talk to her for me…I think he had a girlfriend once.
Help!
Irma, Extremely Hot Cashier
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Hello, I'm Steve Nojobs.
Founder and CEO of 
Make eye contact, then go say hi. This works really well and is very easy. What do you have in common that you know of? Try to bring it up and see how she reacts.
She sure is a hottie.
Here’s an idea: why don’t you show off your iPoor phone? How could she resist?
ummmm….steve, don’t you have better things than girls to worry about–how about l-day 2 and the ipoor? magic missile this harlot and get back to work!
Steve? Steve, it’s your Mother. Are you there? You call me once a week, okay? Steve, why don’t you ever call? It says on the Innernet that you invented this thing, the I-Poor. Do you have enough money, Steve? Do you have enough money to buy groceries? I can send you some macaroni and cheese. And those chocolate muffins I know you love. What does this I-Poor do, Steve? It says on the Innernet that it’s a phone, if it’s a phone, why don’t you ever call? When will you bring Irma for dinner? She seems like a lovely lady, I like her aura. Please call me to let me know about the macaroni. Your everloving Mother.